


A Cup of Trouble

by lastoftheorder



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Murder, PA Rhys, Rhack if you squint, coffee shop AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-16 04:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19310209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastoftheorder/pseuds/lastoftheorder
Summary: Rhys has to take up a part-time job at a coffee shop to be able to afford rent on Helios and Jack needs a new PA who can make coffee well. What could go wrong?





	A Cup of Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to take a coffee shop au seriously, and I wanted an explanation for why Rhys actually became Jack's PA. The two rolled into one so here, have my short, messy fic. The idea was that this would eventually lead into rhack but, uh, it didn't with what I actually ended up writing. So implied rhack I guess?

It wasn’t as if Rhys wanted to take on another job. He was already working hard in marketing at Helios and trying to kiss up to Henderson. However, that didn’t stop Helios from being one of the most expensive places to live. He couldn’t get another roommate; He and Vaughn were tripping over each other as it was in their single bedroom apartment, so Rhys gave up the only thing he could; what was left of his free time. 

Working at a coffee shop wasn’t bad. He would have preferred something more business related, but Hyperion was skeptical of him ‘doubling up’, so he went for the next best thing which was a job that could get him as much free coffee as he wanted. This, at least, cut down his budget significantly. 

He tried to make the most out of his menial job, realizing that it was a great way to network with people. He served on one of the upper management floors and got to serve some of the department leads and he once saw Mr. Blakes assistant come in to get his coffee. That was also the moment Rhys realized why it paid so well for just being a coffee gig, and why his manager was always nervously wringing their hands. As long as none of the Vice Presidents directly came in, they should be fine, shouldn’t they? 

Three months into the job and Rhys came just like any other day and tied on his black apron while his coworker, Hannah, was wiping off the flavor shot bottles from their sticky residue. Rhys smiled and came up to her, leaning against the counter.

“Did you hear the rumor? Handsome Jack lost another personal assistant,” Rhys said in a low whisper. Hannah nodded. 

“I heard it was via airlocking. I heard he’s looking for a new one, but the board isn’t happy with him going through them so fast.” she said with a giggle.

“Huh. Imagine working for Handsome Jack personally.” Rhys said, giving a mock look of horror. He admired the man, sure, but he preferred keeping his admirations from afar. Handsome Jack was terrifying! 

“He wouldn’t even need to kill me, I’d probably be so scared of him I’d have a heart attack,” Hannah admitted with a grin and Rhys nodded in agreement. The two silently went back to work, serving the slow trickle of people who came in and out. Besides a few upper management hotshots, the day was mostly slow with the regular crowd of middle management.

The air in the room suddenly changed, and the gentle murmur of people stopped all at once. Rhys looked up from where he was mixing drinks and froze. Handsome Jack strolled in and went to the counter, looking Hannah in the eye. 

“I need a 12-ounce macchiato, and make it snappy.” Handsome Jack said. Hannah was frozen with fear. Jack raised an eyebrow and snapped at her. 

“Today, cupcake,” he said. She jumped to work, but she was shaking as she prepared it. 

“Aw, you’re trembling, pumpkin. For every drop you spill, I’m going to make you lap it up off of the floor.” Jack grinned. She was trembling so badly. Her actions were slow, and she spilled the drink in her terror, splashing some on Handsome Jack. Before she could apologize, Handsome Jack whipped out a gun from his side and shot her in the head. 

Jack slipped his gun back in his side holster. 

“Where’s my damn coffee, kiddo?” he said. Rhys’ knew he couldn’t think. He just needed to act. Mindlessly he filled the order and held it in his robotic, steady hand. Even though the rest of him was shaking, his arm adjusted and kept the drink steady. Jack raised an eyebrow.

“Now that’s what I like to see. If only your coworker wasn’t a friggin idiot.” Jack grabbed the coffee and turned heel out of the area. 

When he was gone, Rhys threw up in the waste bin. 

Rhys’ manager quickly called the janitorial staff to clean up the body and let Rhys out with pay for the rest of his shift, although they told Rhys he would have to be back for the next one. 

“Wish I could do more, but that’s just how Helios is,” they said with a shrug. 

Of course it was. Murder in one moment, work in the next. 

The next day, Handsome Jack returned at roughly the same time. He snapped his fingers. 

“C’mon, kitten, same as yesterday. Hop to it unless you want to end up like your friend.” Jack said. Rhys jumped to action, obedient and scared, careful to not mess up. Jack took the drink and left. Rhys let out a deep breath; he had survived another day. 

The next day, Rhys was ready for Handsome Jack’s arrival with a fresh cup of coffee prepared and handed it wordlessly over. The sooner Jack was gone, the better. 

Part of Rhys wanted Jack to stay, just to bask in the presence of his hero. The other part of him was his survival instinct, and that urged him to make his interactions fast and brief. 

It went like this for several days, until one day Handsome Jack came in on his phone. Rhys handed the drink over wordlessly, but Handsome Jack paused to talk. 

“What do you mean you ‘can’t find an assistant’? Anyone on this space station would lick my boots if they could get the chance. I could turn to the first guy I see and he’d be willing to fill the position.” Jack turned to Rhys, “Hey, you, kid, would you want to be my PA?” 

“Y-yes sir.” Rhys said. 

“There, see, I told you… What? You want his friggin number? That’s not my job, cupcake. Just take care of it.” And with that, Handsome Jack stormed off. 

Not an hour later, official looking men arrived and suddenly Rhys was filling out paperwork, and he was given a new job. 

The next day, Rhys was on the other side of the counter picking up a coffee order for Handsome Jack as his personal assistant. 

Rhys was screwed.


End file.
